Alot has changed in the last couple of months and grieving for Dad hasen't subsided. Last week was a bad week for me. I am not sure why but the tears wouldn't stop and although I look happy and as pleasant as I could have been, I had a really hard time.
Hockey season has started and I have no desire to get involved. There isn't any breakfasts with dad anymore, no more 'did you see that hit? did you think it was a legal one?' or ' Wow! Carey really missed or saved that shot - ' or just banter about the game. I have many friends who are all about talking hockey, I love em, but it ain't Dad, or Dickers as I sometime called him.
A friend of mine is back in town and I was so happy to see her, the first thing I though was 'wait till dad hears she's back!' then I realized - oh wait, my bad. She is a friend that my father adored. To be honest, my dad loved all of my friends. He had nick names for them all too, well most of them. It was his thing. Now that I think of it, it's kinda silly and funny at the same time.
I have since quit my job (I finish in December), almost finished the 2 classes I am taking and well my point is 'what would my fater think of all this?" The more I think of it, the more I beleive he would be behind me. There wasn't a question of that but I doubt myself.
I am not sure what the future holds for me but I do know that dad is watching over and guiding me. I must beleive this to get over his loss. I need to beleive this. Dad would say "c'est la vie" with a sigh to his words... he didn't speak french but that's what he would say.
My sleeping patterns have yet to change, that's why I write at odd hours. However I managed to pull off a few good hours last night. Yay for me.
I write to let things out, it might be repetative or boring for most of you to read, but it helps me sort though the thoughts and memories I have. Bear with me.
Game tonight, wonder if Souban will take out Marchand or instigate most of the night... Dad would say 'he'll instigate, boy can he instigate'.
