it's been a while since i've blogged, I keep thinking of all these things to say: 'that's good point or idea, i'll need to remember to put this on the blog' and of course I go about my buisness and totally forget to mark it down.
Dads appointments this past week were some what uneventful and tiring. He had an apt at the neuro for a MRI on monday, then the results on tuesday. The results were great- NO NEW TUMORS. And to get results for the blood tests and CT scan. I find that the appointments are somewhat un-necessary. Let me explain- the Dr.'s are wonderful and are doing the best to help dad during this time but I (let me stress "I") feel that up until now the results have been pretty much the same.
These results are different. I've read the written report for the CT scan and noticed a couple of things, there seems to be 2 other mass' or nodes that have developed. one 14mm (which i'm not sure is important because the Dr only semmed to be worried about the 9mm node ...
'i'll see you in a month' ... really? no further tests to see if it / tbey increase in size???
I don't know - I'm not a Doctor. I'm helpless to the lingo and really not good at being patient. I can't sleep and I think i'm on edge... (yes, it always turns out to be about me--- not really) .
The run down as to why I think it is different this time around are his symptoms. Dad has lost 28 pounds in just under 2 mths and has no desire to eat, he's moody and irritable (more than he used to be and more than i am), he is grumpy and sometimes nasty. I know that he is not like that in general and probably doesn't mean to be moody-- but how would you feel with a disease that will end your life sooner than expected. I know that these symptoms are a result of going through chemo, radiation and the like, but there is more to it than I can explain. Anyhow, I feel that things are taking too long and should be on the Cancer highway out of town and on the road to recovery- that's not the case.
March 10th is the next appointment. I'm looking for good news and not some more procrastination. I'm not complaining at the Dr's work or ability to do their job, I just wish that they could really preform miracles and not just seem to sit around until it's too late.
Dad will die of this disease and it is really a shame and sad that people including my dad have to go through this hell.
I'm just going to finish on that note because I really don't know what else to say or write without being tagged for obsinities and being kicked off of blogger- because I just want to swear and yell and scream... it'll make me look stupid, feel better and it'll be completely pointless. Instead i'll just wish and hope for the best, dad to get the feeling back in the tips of his fingers and toes, to gain back his appetite, to be 30 pounds heavier, and to be able to walk 10 feet without being out of breath and having to stop. and thank the powers that be that he is not in any pain AT ALL, that the cancer hasn't gone into his kidneys, liver or pancrease...
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!
