One Month & A Day

I always say 'I'll love you forever and a day'. It is just a figure of speech when I want something... silly you know? Like 'if you wait a few more minutes- I'll love you forever and a day' that type of thing... It's been one month and a day since Dad died, and it feels like forever and a day.

Everyone is worried about me, and there doesn't seem to be anything to worry about. I have the strength of my mother in me and i 'm tough as nails. kinda.

I have my moments and my weaknesses that tend to get the better of me when i'm alone.. that's the way I like it.

I don't like it when people expect to see me cry or want to talk about my father's death like it's a story off the headlines in the gazette. I don't like it- Most of you reading and sharing my life, i'm not talking about you. I'm talking about a handful of people who relish in the fact that people suffer at the loss of their loved ones. I am not one of those people. Yes dad suffered, yes dad was a great man and Yes he had wonderful friends- If you had to ask then you weren't once of them.. so there.

I am ok, I miss him, I hate the fact that he isn't here to talk to, to talk about the hockey game, of how he's talked to the guys at work or saw the girls at the hospital, or how my day went, I hate the fact that he's not here to tell me his latest recipe he made with the fish that Mr. Hearn gave him or how good the fish was.. (even though he knew I disliked fish). I miss him saying that mom kept him on the phone forever (and getting a beep that mom's on the other line saying the same thing...)

one day at a time is what they say? Who are they anyway. It hasn't gotten better, the emptiness hasn't gone away or lessened. Don't know what else to say? But, i'm OK.

The sun came out today

Today I was convinced to go to a rodeo fair, as hesitant that I was to go, I had a nice time. I raised a glass with my friend Suzy in memory of my dad- the sun came out- there is not a shread of doubt that dad was behind the sun shining on us today.

I miss him on sundays - that was the day that we always spent together since I was a little girl. We'd go to movies, do breakfast, have dinner, go shoping or just hang out, go for coffee or a drink. I miss my sundays with my dad like crazy.

As time passes, I realize more and more that this is the time for some changes. The world has a mysterious way of working and the energy around me these days has been great. I feel a change happening within me and have seen direct results of some changes that occured. It feels good to know that the strength inside of me hasen't left me - it was dormant. I do feel the urge to take pictures and cook now, it's only been a month or so since dad was admitted to emerg and died, I feel that it's not long enough to mourn but I know that I cannot coocoon myself nor would dad want me to.

Raise a glass of something you love and toast to the best dad ever. Here's a pic of dad and I when I was little

Cheers