Please come again.

Day three came and went. So far dad has only been tired and unable to sleep. I could deal with that. I wonder if he feels that same way I feel- with a tighness in my chest, shortness of breath when I can't sleep. I must remember to ask him.

That tighness goes away when I am comfortable with my surroundings, dinner with a friend, drinks at the local pub and recieving a hug from a close friend, or just knowing that your best friend will come through for you in the end. The tightness in my chest gets worse before it gets better- and yet it goes away with these things. Wonder if dad has the same thing goin' on. mental note= to ask him.

Being organized is another story. It takes patience and organization to really have a grip on illness. IT SUCKS! and I'm not that good at it. especially when the Dr's call dad and he forgets to tell me things or schedules overlapping appointments with the Dr.'s - then I must try to reach the Dr's to get it straight- on a friday afternoon - AT 3PM... Omg! It's done. Fixed and well taken care of..

Hugs, they are a huge part of letting someone know that you care for them, understand them and just letting someone know that you love them. I cannot hug people because I cry. I cannot cry - a blubbering fool. I was hugged yesterday and well it was really nice, comfortable and unexpected. I wanted to cry and curl up into my friends arms for the rest of the day- (it was a much needed hug) but please - I cannot hug. Not sure where this stems from but it's the way that I am. One day I will be able to curl up into my friends arms and stay there after a good long hug - for now, I am unable to hug- Please come again.

the test begins

2 days of chemo and dad looks great. I know that the chemo has to take it's toll but he's optimistic. I am too. I know that things will get worse before they get better and we are only into his first two chemo treatments ever... but it feels good to know that he is feeling alright so far. I was really worried.

we've got an apt. with a nutritinist and the pharmacist is really nice. Good.

i'm more at ease with dad going home alone now and trusting his judgement. Not that his judgement is bad or can't be trusted - I am a bit of a control freak... I'll get over it!

I have been sleeping well the last two nights. Thank goodness for that. and knowing that the second session of chemo will be when I am on vacation- so I won't miss any work. That's what I'm worried about for myself.

ok.. one step at a time - tomorrow will be step three of the first round. Yahoo!