So, I'm noticing a pattern from people. I know that this pattern is usually unintentional for the most part but nonetheless bothersome to me. I have noticed that people who want to know how my father is doing ask me - when he is sitting right in front of them or beside them. I know that it is an awkward situation when you ask someone how they are and the actually tell you. Most people deal with that question by saying 'alright' or 'could be better' or 'great' then they want to know how great you are... but when people are struck with a negative answer it is hard to conceptualize and hard for them to deal with- However, it is the person you are asking about that should be ask...
I don't mean to be ranting about this BUT... I can't imagine how dad feels when people don't look at him in the eye or avoid talking to him like they used to and come to ask me the question... So how is your dad doing? My answer today was "he's sitting right there, you should ask him", I watched as the person reluctantly walked over to him. In my head I was thinking - "i hope that dad didn't hear him ask me or feel invisible' because that is how I would feel if I was him. Invisible.
Dad isn't invisible, he is not unable to have a conversation... So, for those of you who are having a hard time approaching him - Please do so. He likes to talk with his friends, family and would love it. That's just my observation that I have been seeing lately.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The Latest Set Back- on the Last Session....
up until now I have been coasting on a hope and a lot of prayers. From now on fingers will be crossed, eyes will be shut tight and a breath will be held. Poor dad seems to be disappointed - we have had to cancel his first chemo of his LAST session... The creatine levels have been rising slowly causing him to be in the emergency room twice over the last 2 1/2 weeks. Once for hydration and second for low blood pressure due to a low hemoglobin score- making him stay over night for 2 pints of blood and a couple of bags of saline.
Today, dad will be at the hospital from 8 am for hydration, then his chemo, then more hydration. Wow. A minor set back? yes! BUT, as Lucie the pharmacist says it is a good thing to prevent the kidneys from not functioning properly.
So, Today, Tomorrow and Friday will be complete days of hospital work. Yay! (I say with sarcasim).
I've been learning that the only way to deal with all of this is to take it as it comes, no need to worry about the final outcome, no need to think the worst and no need to panic at all. Just hope that test scores will come out alright, bodily functions will work as they should and spirits should be kept high. I've also learned that mind set is important.
I will be at work until 12 then joining dad at hospital for his day long excursions... No rest for the wicked, right? Unfortunately I had to switch my work schedule with my collegue- for friday, but what could I do. I must do what I have to do.
In three weeks, and a CT scan later we will find out if things are to be as they should in order to progress to radiation on the lungs. If not ... I am not sure what we are to do. We will find out. I use 'we' because dad is not going to do this alone. He never will!
Until then, I will be sleeping with one eye open, walking on pins and needles and working on my patience. Will I be able to keep it together? I would have no choice. Will dad be alright? I think so. WIll he be able to keep up this circus? I certainly hope so. He is strong willed, strong in spirit, altough weakened by the damn cancer, He will do what he has to do! quote un-quote. Does he need moral support (other than me?) I might say yes. Does he get it? I might say yes. Will he admit that he could use more? I might say no.
We will find a mileu somehow, cooking will be made, cleaning will be done and maybe a good night sleep will ensue for me? hopefully, BUT more importantly and only for dad.
Chin up- eyes wide and hopes held high. Hydration is good. and It's only time.
Today, dad will be at the hospital from 8 am for hydration, then his chemo, then more hydration. Wow. A minor set back? yes! BUT, as Lucie the pharmacist says it is a good thing to prevent the kidneys from not functioning properly.
So, Today, Tomorrow and Friday will be complete days of hospital work. Yay! (I say with sarcasim).
I've been learning that the only way to deal with all of this is to take it as it comes, no need to worry about the final outcome, no need to think the worst and no need to panic at all. Just hope that test scores will come out alright, bodily functions will work as they should and spirits should be kept high. I've also learned that mind set is important.
I will be at work until 12 then joining dad at hospital for his day long excursions... No rest for the wicked, right? Unfortunately I had to switch my work schedule with my collegue- for friday, but what could I do. I must do what I have to do.
In three weeks, and a CT scan later we will find out if things are to be as they should in order to progress to radiation on the lungs. If not ... I am not sure what we are to do. We will find out. I use 'we' because dad is not going to do this alone. He never will!
Until then, I will be sleeping with one eye open, walking on pins and needles and working on my patience. Will I be able to keep it together? I would have no choice. Will dad be alright? I think so. WIll he be able to keep up this circus? I certainly hope so. He is strong willed, strong in spirit, altough weakened by the damn cancer, He will do what he has to do! quote un-quote. Does he need moral support (other than me?) I might say yes. Does he get it? I might say yes. Will he admit that he could use more? I might say no.
We will find a mileu somehow, cooking will be made, cleaning will be done and maybe a good night sleep will ensue for me? hopefully, BUT more importantly and only for dad.
Chin up- eyes wide and hopes held high. Hydration is good. and It's only time.
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