To those who've lost to the retched 'C'.

'Cancer took him but he didn't give in...' Cbc news- Discussing Jack Layton's death from cancer.

I do feel helpless. I was asked not to long ago - 'how do you justify your loss'? (in relation to my dad's death) Huh? I still don't understand that question. Jack Layton's death sets the sadness deeper. I have never met the man- I did however vote for him. I sympathize with his family and friends on thier loss and wonder 'how they justify his death'. Could they possibly answer that question in their time of sadness? I would love to know how if possible, could they answer that question.

I do know that the sadness sets and is like a splinter to remove- if ever. It sets itself in some tissue, and skin and needs to be worked and pried to be let go... Jeezus, it's painful and very uneasy to deal with. But eventually you get that piece that sticks in you and you deal.

I wish for JL's family and friends that the splinter is not stuck in too deep that cannot be removed before too long; That the hurt is not too painful, the memories stronger than the pain and that his love will prevail all. Love him, remember him and never forget him. My words of wisdome. I wish that for everyone who has loved and lost someone close to them to the retched C.

Some time has passed

I'm up early this morning. This is nothing new in my life as 2 am is the norm, lately it's been 5 am. I've decided to make the best of the situation and run with it. This is all new to me as I don't like change and under the circumstances lately I've had nothing but change. Many things go through my mind and I've never put things into action- well not the little things. I've just learned in my 37 years of existance that it's the little things that make all the difference.

These little things are very little but as of late, I realize that they are HUGE- to me anyhow.

The changes in my life are few but have become important to me...

I've started saving my money. Yeah I know what you all are going to say- You are 37 years old and don't have any money saved... you're telling me.

My toonie collection has grown to a fairly decent amount. :) I love toonies. silly I know but it makes my day to know that I didn't spend them on stupid things.

I've decided to take a couple of courses at Concordia to keep busy. I am going stur crazy and I want to further my knowledge on photography (my passion), so, i've enrolled in a program 'Diploma in Photography' at the continuing education center. I am not sure that I will be a good photographer but seeing as I love taking photos and I have an AMAZING camera I will learn everything about it...
I have been not doing anything really and life is too short to sit still. I've done that long enough.

I'm going to New York City with one of my oldest and dear friends... G and I are heading to the Big Apple and we will take NYC by storm. Or atleast we will try. I'm soooooooo excited to catch up and just beat around the city with her. Hit a camera store and a restaurants or two... coffee at 'Serindipity' maybe, crash some open markets and anything that strikes our fancy! So there!

I've made another decision- after much delay and alot of talk, I've joined the YMCA. My friend C and I are hoping to get into a routine that suits us well and we will reach our goal and hit the mark on how fit each of us want to become. I know I will work at it... Also, i'm hoping that it will allow me to sleep at night. I'm stoked.

As I said earlier, I have made decisions and hopefully they will be sound decisions and work in my favor- I don't see how they would not. :)

Now If I were a beauty pagent contestant I'd say that I want to save the world and stop hunger... which would be nice... I will concentrate on starting with me and then work outward.

I know that dad would be proud of me for these decisions and tell me that 'It's about time you do something!' I feel his presence in these decisions- or maybe with him not here now, he's the reason for these decisions. I don't know. But I do know that He's definitly one of the reasons for these changes.

It's gorgeous here today, the sun is strong and there is a nice breeze rustling the leaves on the trees a little. Dad would be so all over that!

I continue to miss him and constantly talk to him (in my head of course) and seek his advice often. I think that it is normal to do these things and I don't care what others say.

He will be at rest soon enough and life will go on. I will forever miss him, My Father. I will be ok.