One Month & A Day

I always say 'I'll love you forever and a day'. It is just a figure of speech when I want something... silly you know? Like 'if you wait a few more minutes- I'll love you forever and a day' that type of thing... It's been one month and a day since Dad died, and it feels like forever and a day.

Everyone is worried about me, and there doesn't seem to be anything to worry about. I have the strength of my mother in me and i 'm tough as nails. kinda.

I have my moments and my weaknesses that tend to get the better of me when i'm alone.. that's the way I like it.

I don't like it when people expect to see me cry or want to talk about my father's death like it's a story off the headlines in the gazette. I don't like it- Most of you reading and sharing my life, i'm not talking about you. I'm talking about a handful of people who relish in the fact that people suffer at the loss of their loved ones. I am not one of those people. Yes dad suffered, yes dad was a great man and Yes he had wonderful friends- If you had to ask then you weren't once of them.. so there.

I am ok, I miss him, I hate the fact that he isn't here to talk to, to talk about the hockey game, of how he's talked to the guys at work or saw the girls at the hospital, or how my day went, I hate the fact that he's not here to tell me his latest recipe he made with the fish that Mr. Hearn gave him or how good the fish was.. (even though he knew I disliked fish). I miss him saying that mom kept him on the phone forever (and getting a beep that mom's on the other line saying the same thing...)

one day at a time is what they say? Who are they anyway. It hasn't gotten better, the emptiness hasn't gone away or lessened. Don't know what else to say? But, i'm OK.