judgement day - wasn't

Today we were supposed to find out what type of treatment dad was supposed to have- that didn't happen. We met with the team of Doctors that are going to take care of dad... They are all so nice.

Dad has a tumor in his brain.

What exactly does that mean? He would have to have surgury or radiation. We are waiting for the Neuro to call us and MGH to call for the radiation part. It's one or the other. Do we want to have one or the other? what does it mean? Everything is a blur and we must wait some more- go for more tests and sit down and figure it out.

Dr.P the oncologist wasn't there today and neither was our head nurse... so we basically just found out that he has a tumor that mastasized in the brain. That's it. How long does all this take? What other options are there for us- it seemed to be so fast that all of this is just hitting me now.

I can't really talk about... had a really rough afternoon. it wont' be getting easier. or better. Come to grips with it and go from there.

All my thoughts keep going back to how long does dad have to live? He doesn't seem to have any problems- but is it masked by the fact that the tumor is affecting things? Should I be bringing this up with him now? at all? Of course I should but I need to not break down in front of him.

All of these questions are not answered. I am hoping that all these questions will be answered within the next week or so.

My boss said to me yesterday that I need to steal my self away. I wasn't sure what he meant by that until now. I know that I have to do that and keep myself sane. Writing here on this blog helps. Talking with my friends help too, however I don't want to be that girl who drags everyone down with her problems... I cannot be that person. I will have to ask the nurse for some help with dealing with this. I don't think that I am capable of doing this alone.

until monday I guess.