I know what you all are thinking. I am not so sure I know what I'm thinking. Faith has been rattling around my brain for the last couple of months. I am a good person ( relatively (sp?)..) I try to be kind, love, learn from my mistakes, be compassionate, understanding, towards people- how do I justify it? I am drawn to an old way of thinking that I don't fit into, and I am something that, that way of life doesn't support- I believe wholeheartedly that if you believe in something, and will it to be, it will be.
Through patience, practice things will be what they are supposed to be. Am I to question this way of thought because of what I believe, of what we are going through, is something that is against our power, being? Shall I throw my way of life out and go back to the old way of life- to beleive in a power out of our control and accept?
I am not viewing my old faith as bad, or not valid- in fact it has given my alot to think about the last few weeks/ days/ months. I like to think that I have both faiths working for me... however- right now it doesn't feel like it. The only faith that seems to be working for me (my dad is what I mean) is the faith in science. Is science even a faith? I would like to believe that science has been created by a higher being(s) and will help however, without the higher power there would be nothing.
When I was small, I hated going to church because I was forced to go. I didn't understand what it all meant and to be honest church is still a bit fuzzy for me. I know that when I am in a church I am peaceful, a quietness is within- BUT when I am at home practicing my own faith I feel the same way. I am sure that most of you will have something to say about this and I appreciate all opinions...
Faith in any manner of speaking , mindframe or way is something that I will accept right now. The hole at the end of the tunnel is so far away- I could see a light though... which is a good sign, right?
I will struggle with this for a good while as I haven't been able to figure things out ever!
Too many questions, too little answers. Chalk it up to just accepting things- hard to do, but let's give it a go... whaddaya say?
Prayers are accepted and welcomed, thoughts too... as mentioned in earlier posts HUGs are hard... so thank you for the hugs virtually! sounds funny however- me being a puddle of mush isn't productive, in any way whatsoever.
What is it that I always say??? Smile, pharmacy smile style-and just breathe.
I've been meaning to reply to this for forever!
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's at all confusing to have an experience of peace in more than one approach to God, especially when you are feeling unsettled and unsure. In your head, you might be very clear on which tradition each practice belongs to, so it might seem strange to get a similar sense of connection and comfort from different traditions, but especially when we are a little lost, God is very gentle and merciful in welcoming all that we know how to bring Him, and in accepting all gestures of reaching out to Him. Even if what we are doing feels inconsistent, or if we ultimately decide that the basis for one approach was incorrect, there is value. The person who seeks God genuinely is like a little child grappling with the little he or she does understand and doing his or her best to draw close to Him. God is endlessly merciful and patient, and wants nothing more than for each of us to live in a close, intimate, vivifying relationship with Him. If we have the humility to say, "I'm not sure what I'm doing, God, or whether You are there, but I am trying - please show me the Light that is Yourself so that I can do the right thing", implicitly or explicitly, I think He just loves that, and He never refuses to grant that request. It's like a little child who brings his mother a mix of tulips, dandelions and poison ivy - she will be pleased at his efforts and maybe even put it all in a vase - and later in life, when he realizes that dandelions are weeds and poison ivy is harmful, he might think, why did they all bring my mother equal pleasure? If you know what I mean. That's how I think it is. xoxo